In “Why is Sex So Addictive?” by Dr. David Burns, you will discover the three biggest reasons why men and women experience a love affair with sexual addiction. If you are suffering from sexually addictive behaviors, then this book should open your eyes to what’s really going on.
Yes, there’s a biological reason why sex becomes an addiction. In the same book mentioned above, Dr. Burns mentions another hormone called dopamine. Dopamine is at the heart of all addictive behaviors, even the good ones and the bad ones. A healthy sex life gives one person a sense of belonging and assures of the commitment that stands behind it. A healthy sexual connection provides for a mutually satisfying relationship.
Now, imagine this situation: one person goes through a marital crisis and decides to cheat. This one person’s action is the product of his/her neural pathways which had become imbalanced. It is because of this imbalanced neural circuitry that the person has decided to go ahead with the act of adultery. Had the cheating spouse not entered into the marital relationship, then the act would have never occurred. It is because of the “chemistry” between the two partners, which had been originally intended by the spouses, subsequently distorted by their sexual obsession and their heightened sensation sensitivity.
There is also the matter of oxytocin and vasopressin. Oxytocin (or oxytocin receptors) are located in the brain and are responsible for mating. When these receptors are released, they affect the hypothalamus and pituitary gland, which is the primary organs that secrete oxytocin. A person who is sexually active produces higher amounts of oxytocin than a person who is not sexually active. So once that person’s behavior becomes altered, the result is a chemical imbalance that causes heartbreak.
So there we are. The chemical causes the behavior and the heartbreak. Is there any way to avoid this? Yes. One can achieve a lasting and ever-increasing degree of happiness by achieving and maintaining healthy amounts of oxytocin and vasopressin in his or her body.
How do I achieve all of this? By remembering that we are all beings with multiple levels of functioning neurons. We can function normally within marriage provided that we maintain healthy levels of neurotransmitters within our bodies. One of these neurotransmitters, which have significant connections to sexual functioning, is oxytocin, which is responsible for the “chemical love” that is felt between a spouse and his or her spouse.
Oxytocin and vasopressin, when properly balanced within the body, create a powerful chain reaction, namely a powerful attraction and desire to strengthen and maintain that chain reaction. The stronger this desire, the greater the chances of experiencing a satisfying sexual experience. And in turn this strengthens the emotional baggage that may have previously been experienced. A person has the ability to create a lifetime of happiness and failure if he or she does not effectively work through and overcome the sexual issues that may have been plaguing them in the past. It is my belief that a person should take responsibility for their own sexual health and well-being. To not do so would be a failure of an individual in their pursuit for happiness and success within marriage.
If you want to effectively work on your relationship with your spouse, it is important that you make it a priority to seek out treatment for both yourself and your spouse. There is hope. Many marriages have survived the onslaught of sexual baggage when each spouse took personal responsibility for their own health and wellness. This saved both of them a lot of time and energy that would have otherwise been spent battling with each other’s emotions and in the process saved their marriage. The future is now better than it has ever been thanks to the individual efforts of both spouses who made a commitment to each other and their marriage and who sought out counseling for themselves.