“Sex addiction” is complex both to experience and to write about. The label itself can produce guffaws of laughter but the experience of the consequences of this “addiction” can be some of the most appalling in the pantheon of ways to “act in or out”.
Sex addiction is increasingly being recognised as a serious addiction and there is much written about it, but my personal experience is that a lot of the writing and recovery approaches tend to be towards the male aspects of the disease. I could be easily judged as being quick off the mark to judge here, but there is not a huge amount of understanding in the mainstream writings about female sexuality.
When I went into SAA in 1996, (sex addicts anonymous) I could relate to some of it, but I was the only woman with 15 men and no, much of it did not have anything to do with my experiences or my needs.
Upon my return to London, searching for women only groups was pointless and sitting sharing in a mixed group was impossible and asking for trouble so what to do? I started the first women only SAA groups in London.
It was from here that a monumental amount of recovery was experienced by all of us pioneering women. We talked, shared, laughed and cried our ways towards healthy and appropriate sexual expression and still, 15 years later, they are some of the most pivotal experiences and learning curves I have had in my route to sexual sobriety.
So information added to this site will use a mixture of conventional wisdom, writings by recognised greats such as Patrick Carnes, and Joe Kort, who is the pioneer of de-constructing “sex addiction”but also yogic teaching and my own personal recovery experiences.
For both men and women sex addiction is about intensity, drama, triggers, secrecy, shame, longing, desire and the intense need to connect or to escape in equal measure. But it is equally about abuse, rape, painful history, neglect, pedophilia, deviance and suffering. The label of “sex addict” creates even more suffering than the experiences and there is an emerging vein of thought that says it does not exist.
It is a painful history and unravelling the story, changing the behaviours, coming out of the dark shame and staying in a place that is comfortable and supportive of one’s own erotic and sexual mores can be a battle. But it is a battle worth fighting.
Putting down the acting out may not reverse all the damage done to the body, the nervous system and the thinking processes, but there is a huge amount you can do to regain health, mental clarity, emotional stability and freedom from using sex as a way to manage emotional pain.
Over the texts on this website, as it builds, you will find a wealth of information for recovery. Tools, postures, dietary advice, meditations and much, much more.
Email me for more information Recovery: A life worth living.